| Para sa mga totoong martir: SAY HELLO TO 2009. |
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January 12th,
2009 4:28 am
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Said goodbye to 2008 and misery with a little bit of fiction. Posting it now for a few good friends. Might seem long, but it's kind of an easy read, so go on and enjoy!
Sa lahat ng mga partida, happy thoughts and good vibes in 2009. Tayo ang magwawagi sa taong ito. :)
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Fireworks
by Gabriela Tatad
They sat together and watched the fireworks.
You could say it was tradition—he had no family or enough good friends to spend New Year’s with, and she had, yet again, executed the most brilliant escape from a family reunion to share the holiday with him.
They had walked down to the bay—armed with cheap wine and plastic cups—where she sat with her knees up against her chest. Around them, that Rihanna woman was on the radio, singing about her “umbrella ella ella ey ey.” She smiled. She loved that song.
He was not as entertained. In fact, he was a million miles away, his face lacking every telling expression. He did not look bored or angry or unaffected, but distracted. As though fire from the heavens was the last thing on his mind. Which, come to think of it, was really nothing new; that’s just how he was.
In fact, it was the reason why she came around every New Year’s Eve and forced him to watch the fireworks with her down by the bay. Because it was his nature to plant himself in a seat and think, and if she didn’t come over, he was sure to sit in his sad little apartment and stare at the floor as people rung in 2008 with cheers and dancing.
And it was just right that she was part of the equation, playing the part of the loyal friend who accepted him as he was, but always made sure he was… well, still a person. Whether he liked it or not. Because that’s just how she was: caring and extremely pushy.
You could never tell just by looking, though. Like tonight for instance: there was wonder in her eyes as the sky lit up in exploding stars and whips of electric rainbows. And to an unsuspecting onlooker, she probably looked like just another fan of the fireworks.
But what that person would not see was how deep that wonder actually ran. The entire spectacle moved her so that she decided, privately and quietly, that this year she would make no promises to herself she could not keep. She exhaled. It felt new. Every first of the year always felt new.
He, on the other hand, felt rather differently. He believed that nothing really changed this time of year except the way dates were written. Sure, people would be resolute and say that they’d start going to the gym, or wear less make-up, or learn to drive/cook/paint/write/fly a plane/surf/dance the flamenco, or attempt to read the Bible from cover to cover.
He watched her do it every single 31st, declaring diets and new positive habits that she would claim to uphold throughout the new calendar. But it would always fade. It would fade until this year was just like any other year, with weight gain and tears and cursing and hitching rides and take-out and chicken dances and scandalous amounts of alcohol. It would fade until all hope could rest once more on the magic of December 31st.
“What’s your most significant resolution this coming year?” She asked, disrupting his stream of consciousness.
“You know I don’t believe in that shit.”
“Right. I forgot you were such a cynic,” she teased.
He smiled. “I believe the word you’re looking for is ‘realist.’”
“Whatever. Let’s pretend. Say you weren’t such a sad old holiday-hating scrooge. What would it be?”
“I don’t know. To make a resolution, I guess,” he replied, which made her laugh. “Now I’m assuming it’s my turn to ask about your whole life-changing plan for the next 365 life-changing days?”
She hugged her knees tighter to her chest. “I don’t have any resolutions this year.”
“WOW. Wow.” He gave a big, loud stadium clap. People around them turned to look, but he didn’t seem to notice. “That’s great. I’m honestly surprised.”
“Yeah, I’m trying to kick my addiction.”
“Wait. So what you really mean is, your New Year’s resolution is to not have any resolutions?” He scoffed. “You might as well just say it now: nothing but salads for 2008. Or something.”
“No, asshole. I’m just trying to be realistic for once. I mean, you know me. You know that no matter what I say, by January 3, I’ll be hitting that hamburger and I’ll be hitting it hard.” It was the truth, and it made them both chuckle.
They both took long pulls from their cups, and her eyes suddenly turned serious.
“I always keep trying to change things to make other people appreciate me, but I feel like I’ve done it without looking at myself. Seeing myself. What I’m good at. What’s good about me,” she shrugged. “I want to know what sort of person I am before I decide to make myself a better one.”
There it was. Just when it was least expected, there it was.
Wonder.
And not in her eyes or soul, either, but in his.
It wasn’t the sort of wonder elicited by grand pyrotechnics or magical Disney happily ever afters. It wasn’t at all cheesy or epic in any way. It was the kind that comes from witnessing someone so close to your heart begin to see themselves as they ought to. It was simple, it was honest, it was awe.
And the thing was, it was he who knew all the things she wanted to be aware of. He who memorized every good and beautiful detail that composed her, for it was he who loved her.
He had always loved her; this was not new information. This was something he knew on many a December 31st, while she resolved to be skinnier or prettier or kinder or smarter within the next 365 days. The very same day he knew that nothing would ever really change for the better, because all the things she aspired for, she was so unaware that she had already surpassed.
He could show her that, he could make her see.
But he would first have to let her know that the way he felt about her was difficult to stomach, but so steadfast despite his mind’s protests. That of all the things he felt, the most crushing thing was his certainty. For when it came to her, his heart was always quite sadly certain.
And that would never do, not with the way things were.
Just then, flashes of light caught his eye—not overhead, but right there next to him. It was the screen of her dinky little phone, blinking. A name flashed repeatedly: ELLA. ELLA. ELLA.
He hated that name. He hated it with a passion, hated everything it stood for, and hated that some stupid singer wrote a pop song that would haunt him in an infectious melody for the rest of his life.
“Hey,” he said. “Your girlfriend’s calling.”
“Oh, thanks.” She picked up the call, and a brilliant glow washed over her face.
He looked up at the blazing sky, unable to look at how happy she was. Then he realized. Every 31st, he made a resolution of his own: that he would count on next year. That next year she would come to her senses and see that she actually loved him too. And that, if she finally made the right one, he would believe in the power of resolutions.
But as it was, it all faded. It faded until this year was just like the year before and he was there, yet again, waiting to head down to the bay with her, hoping it would be different than every single year since 2004. It never was, and still he hoped. So much that any random onlooker could tell exactly what he was hoping for.
So he sat and watched the sky. And with a sad smile, he thought, “Here’s to 2009.” Maybe then. Maybe then.
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| Merry Christmas from the poor and loadless! |
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December 24th,
2008 10:43 am
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"We don't yet see things clearly. We're squinting in a fog, peering through a mist. But it won't be long before the weather clears and the sun shines bright! We'll see it all then, see it all as clearly as God sees us, knowing him directly just as he knows us!
Bur for right now, until that completeness, we have three things to do to lead toward that consummation: Trust steadily in God, hope unswervingly, love extravagantly. And the best of the three is love."
1 Cor 13: 12-13, The Message Bible
Thank you to everyone whose compassion, understanding, humor, respect, and kindness have reminded me that God is in every happiness and heartache, and that there is no space love cannot fill. You who surround me are my greatest and undeserved blessings.
I wish everyone the best, brightest, and merriest Christmas ever, complete with a totally kick-ass noche buena. Have a yummy one friends!!! ♥
Besos y abrazos (yes, I am throwing in a little pretentious Spanish usage for y'alls as a Christmas bonus),
Gab
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| Tamang kapalan lang. |
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December 14th,
2008 11:21 am
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Bilang 11 days na lang to Pasko, here is the super delayed Christmas Wish List/Things I can't get enough of this Christmas list:
Accessory organizer w/ hanger (if you can find the one with lots of square pockets, I will love you till death). Available at SM Dept Store and Rustan's Essenses, if I'm not mistaken.
Heavy duty clothes rack (not the flimsy P600 ones, so obviously KAPALAN NA). Also at SM Department Store and at most hardware stores.
Tide To Go. THIS IS THE MOST AMAZING THING EVER. If all my friends just gave me this I might actually die of happiness. They usually have it at True Value in Shangri-la/Rockwell.
Febreze. Also famazing. Like I have all these cheap Febreze knock-offs, but man. Ito lang talaga eh. :) They also sell this at True Value.
Stuff for my styling kit: different-sized safety pins, double sided tape (the giant masking tape-sized roll), thread, different colored rubber bands (black is usually the most useful, but I don't discriminate). Available at any supermarket or National Bookstore.
Corona Sketchpad
Ziploc sandwich bags
Satsuma Foaming Bath from Body Shop. Ang sarap lang eh.
The "Ambot Sa Emo" pin from I Love You Store in Cubao X. IT'S SO KYOT.
Over ear headphones. Bilang sakit sa tenga lang talaga minsan yung in-ear. I don't need them to be noise cancelling or sound isolating hahahaha. May limits yung kakapalan ko.
Plastic crates. (The ones with locking covers.) Mmmm. Available at SM. They've really got it all for you. (Or in this case, me.)
Gift Certificate to Tips and Toes Katipunan. Pang-2009 WAHAHAHAHA.
Influence by Mary Kate and Ashley Olsen. And no, you are not allowed to judge me hahahahahahaha.
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And on the reverse side, things I hope never to receive ever again:
Frames
Angel figurines
Imelda Papin's Christmas album
I think that's it. Yahooooo.
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| For my lurlas, mares, and baklas. |
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November 25th,
2008 3:03 pm
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So today, nanuod kami ng friend ko ng Twilight premiere sa MOA. (ANAK NG KAGUAPUHAN KA LANG, ROBERT PATTINSON. Yummyness kung sa yummyness lang talaga.)
After nung movie, naglakad kami papuntang dinner destination -- bilang matinding gutom ang resulta ng bonggang cheering, tili, at full-body freak-out every time lumabas si RPattz (na may full audience support pa, akala niyo).
Eh bigla ba namang may nadaanan kaming store na nagbbenta ng mga t-shirt na may rooster print. Kumusta lang na ang pangalan ng store na ito ay...
Slight nabastos lang naman akez. Hahahahahahahahahahaha.
PS. MDAFriends, cheneson naman tayo soon! Dinner/karaoke/pagkatagal-tagal nang binabalak na pagdayo sa Government; kahit ano na basta magkita-kita tayong lahat. (At kung sinumang nakakachika kina SisterLu at Mamah, paki sabing miss ko na sila ng bonggang bongga.)
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